I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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