did you get engaged???
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
