As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize