considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
