I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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