Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
