You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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