he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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