Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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