Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
