mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
