I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
