I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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