can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
