it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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