she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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