Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
