okay pat passed out under dana's car
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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