Christians are straight up FREAKS
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
