hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
