I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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