he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
