I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
