8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
