I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Randomize
