we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
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Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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