living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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