with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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