dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
