I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
