If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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