we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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