If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
