Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
