Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
