my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
