I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
