Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
