We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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