Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
