Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
