The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it because I queefed?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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