i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
