Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
