Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
