Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
