Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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