the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
