i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
bring money and cleavage
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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