it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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