just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
