Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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