Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
