Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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