I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
