I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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