if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
