Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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