I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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