I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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