So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
