Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
