there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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