what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
