I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize