i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
