Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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