How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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