went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ladies don't puke and tell
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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