Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
BRING THE BAGELS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
