thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize
