"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
