how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
