I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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